I am a Passenger

In two days, school is over. For good. Unless I go to Grad school, everyone reminds me. We're all pretty much saying the same things over and over to eachother. Not really bad. Just annoying. There's a wealth of opportunity out there, waiting for me to discover it and take hold of the reins and DO IT. The world can be mine. Like a cult leader luring in innocent, unknowing, vulnerable, individuals; I enter The Big Bad Real World.

And sure I know I'll get stepped on along the way. I might even be trampled and left for dead. Or maybe I'll stick out my elbows and be carried along with the crowd. Maybe they might even pick me up in their mad rush toward the end and I'll have a pleasant ride. Optimism never hurts. But pessemism is more fun.

And so it seems I have only one more day of "hell". Where I have to force myself to go to class and endure 8 hours of critique with my fellow class mates and advisors who hold our diplomas in their wrinkled white hands. They know that once they let us go, we are no longer students, but collegues. Competition. So is the life of the freelancer. But do I know? I don't for I am not a freelancer! (not yet)?

But I can feel it. The tension in the air. A coming storm. Such is life. In ninth grade I was complaining about how stressed out I was. So much wokr I had to do. And my geometry teacher walks by and says something like, "You think you're stressed now? It's nothing compared to when you are older." My advisor now even reminded me of time and life, saying ,"If you make it to be my age...yak yak hak" He was what only, fifty? Who knows. That's thirty years. Perhaps I won't make it. This world will eat me up and spit me out. Ah well. I had a good run. I guess. Lame.

I need to change my goals in life, from Survive to Have FUN. Survival is the bare minimum man. A janitor with two more jobs and five children to feed survives. But a professional rock climber or sky diver has fun. I guess I'll find that happy middle something. But I'd like to go from passenger to Pilot.

old junk ...new junk