Lame

Life is full of disappointments. So let's all stop right now and just get over it.

What is Lori talking about? Well, I'm not one to promise anything, but I do, and sometimes back out. But it's to be expected. Life is hard to plan. And nothing goes the way I want it to go anyway. So I'm learning to just let things slide, if I'm going to feel stupid, then hey, I'm just going to have to feel stupid.

See, I'm working as an intern on a movie set right now but I had rsvp'd to a friends wedding this weekend, loong ago. So one would think, well, the wedding is top priority. Internship: blah. And that's what I think. Plus it's unpaid. What are they going to do, fire me? haha. Anyway. Mom thinks I shouldn't bail on them after the've been giving me more responsibilities this week. I'm going to be missing three whole days of shooting. I guess it will put me back some and I'll have to build up that "yes I can work" mentality with them. But that's just how it's going to be.

Mom likes to give me guilt trips. And I even thought about calling and telling her that I would only make it for the ceremony instead of a couple days earlier like I said in March. But that's stupid cuz I promised and I'm sure she would like me to be there. And of course I've only known these movie people for like five days now. Still they're cool cats. And I do enjoy myself ofn set, most of the time, when I'm feeling useful and not just excess body heat.

So, what's the problem.

I always feel like the problem works itself out into being something lame after I start writing about it. I don't know why. Maybe I just unintentionally (or subconsciously) portray myself as lame. So I'm LAME, BIG DEAL!?

And conversation with my dad hasn't been well. I get the vibe that he feels like I talk to mom more than him. I guess I do. But he's usually engulfed in his computer when I get home, so, yeah. Blame it on him. See? I am Lame.

Anyway, I have to work tomorrow out as best I can to not feel or look stupid. My best bet would be to be oblivious to my own stupidity, but I'm too self conscious for something like that to slide. I have to not look sheepish as a bridesmaid for my friends wewdding. I have totell the movie people that I won't be there this weekend (and not feel like they really care about it.) I have to leave early tomorrow. And I forgot to buy nice shoes. damn. oh well. I hate dressing nice. If it weren't such a good friend, I wouldnt go on account of haveing to buy such expensive nice clothes.

blah blah.

If you think I'm just whining, why the hell are you still reading?

sheesh.

Why don't we all get off our high horses and realize that we are only insignificant specs of matter in this great wide world. YES in.sig.nif.ic.ant.

I'm bored. this became lame. I feel stupid?

haha whatever.

old junk ...new junk