Christmas is Finally Over

I was really trying to feel the Christmas spirit this year. I put aside my ill feelings of shopping and those pokey people who guffaw when I told them I wasn't finished xmas shopping yet with one week left. I went to the mall twice and ruined my vow of no mall shopping. I only bought gifts for my family this year. Because it's the minimum requirement.

And 2 days before Christmas I thought I had it. I was almost a cheery, rosy-cheeked Christmas fan. True, I didn't get to pick out the tree or even decorate the tree. I didn't make cookies and I sent out my cards a little late. I did only get 2 cards this year and one was from a co-worker, so it doesn't count. But two days left and I was anticipating the big day. (more like the mandatory day off of work)

Xmas Eve is when we celebrate. I concocted some art project to keep me busy all day while Mom made pies and dinner. Finally we sit down to Christmas Dinner. It has a title but looks remarkably like any other dinner we might have throughout the week. I am on my second glass of wine. I remember the one year I found this 50 proof bottle of something Mom had used to cook and I drank like 4 tablespoons and concked out on the couch after presents and woke up around 3 wondering what happened. that was a good Christmas. Otherwise we just go through the motions. Dinner, presents one by one, dessert, depart.

Next morning we travel to the extended family Christmas to hear about all their wonderful gifts and traditions and funny occurances, open more presents (1 each over 18 years old. so I haven't really had fun at christmas since I turned 18 if you can imagine) and then listening to the taudry conversation as everyone slowly drinks themselves into aggression and we play a game of the battle of the brains: Trivial Persuit, where we watch as the more competing of the family members duke it out on the trivial knowledge game board. Girls against guys this year and it seems the girls have more trivial knowledge and an upperhand in Luck of the dice.

All in all it wasn't bad. I slept outside in the camper with the cousins in the cold with a little propane heater that they turned off because they were afraid we'd die. And the only annoyance was contending with their ideas on my life, future, present and obligations of being the unelmployed artist that I am. I guess I would have the same advice for me if I wasn't me and I saw what a lazy laze I was. But its no fun having it rubbed in your face now is it? Plus there's nothing to say but smile and accept the advice. I have no defense. I haven't even tried I guess. I feel like I'm living in slow motion and nothing gets done in a timely fashion. Should Should Should. When When When.

...

I shouldn't even complain it just comes out as me being a whiney baby. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I have no ambition in life. Well whatever I don't really care. For now I'm content with my whining over my own mediocrity.

old junk ...new junk