The 'insert noun' Effect

I got benefits! Woohoo! Now I can go to the doctor! And the dentist! Woo hoo! Now I can see what that twith in my eye that's been plaguing me for the past two months is. Woo hoo! Is it normal? Is it a nervous disease? Do I have parkinson's? Is it cancer? Will I die? All good questions I'll finally have answers to.

In the mean time though, I have to start making payments before they start paying my medical bills that I'm sure to rack up with tests and treatments to find out the source of my various ailments. My temporary job was extended (for how long I'm not sure, indefinetely?) and I can now enjoy the benefits I didn't know I was supposed to have had since the day of hire because my stupid job agency is incompetent! Is there some sort of way I can sue them? Negligence? Who knows.

My friend at work is finally moving out of her parents house. Finally, but she's only 19 well a baby 20 year old now. I'm friggin in the 20 years of double digits! And I'm at home rotting away. I was thinking of joining some sort of recreational team in all the free time that I don't have. Maybe rugby! Or perhaps a chess team. My grandma suggested a bowling league, but I couldn't tell you the last time I saw a bowling alley here in sacramento. I must be blind, or there must not be many. Can ya see me bowling after dinner with a bunch of people who bowl?

After eating myself fat the past holiday week, and noticing how delicately skinny my older cousins are, I'm thinking I need to slim down. I don't like to be the fat one. There's nothing worse than growing bigger than people who've been bigger than you your whole life. It's like the Backstreet Boy Effect. That one who was young and cute got all big and ackwardly misproportionate to the other guys. It's a strange effect. I have a list of effects that I think are funny to atribute to certain kinds of people:

The Barbie Effect: When a skinny girl wears really low hip huggers and bends over, like a Barbie her whole ass shows as the pants oddly come away from her butt.

The Cave Man Effect: Just look at John Travolta. He was so cute, then he got older and his lower jaw just exploded into a monstrous DUH-looking lower jaw.

Darn-it there were more but I forgot. I'll include them when I remember. But those are the ones I use a lot.

old junk ...new junk