Application for a Best Friend

Beware this might contain self pity.

I'm in the market for a best friend. It seems like it's all the rage and almost everyone I know has one. How do I know this? Well, I call it the 3rd wheel effect. Like riding a bicycle but for some reason there's this third wheel stuck to the handle bars. And it really sort of just gets in the way of maneuvering.

I figure if I have a best friend, I can override this #3 thing. So if I have to hang out with you and your best friend, while your laughing up some secret joke, I'll have my best friend to laugh at the both of you with. And if you have your boyfriend over and you're all lovey dovey, I'll have my best friend over to laugh at the both of you too. Also when I have to ride backseat in your dumb car, I'll have my best friend to keep me company way back there and we can talk to eachother over the stereo you insist on playing so loudly so I can't hear what you and your best friend in the front of the car are talking about anyway.

But it's not just about saving me from other pairs, it's about all the things that come with best friendship. For instance it is 1 am right now and I'm writing up a silly rant about needing a best friend because I can't think of a single person to call right now who isn't busy or sleeping or would get mad if I called them cuz their sleeping or would probably have their phone turned off anyway, or their parents would not be happy with my calling so late, etc.

Seriously though, folks, this is really just about my jealousy of my friends now who have best friends and flaunt them in front of me. (if I had a best friend, damn right I would tell the world, but I don't, so I'm bitter. the end.) Even walking down the street I see best friends and I am embittered. Even Tv fails me.

Here is the Friendship Page. Someone gag me with a spoon. But then again there's Be Your Own Best Friend. Or if I feel like a 12 Step program there's the 12 Steps to Growing your own Best Friend. Google has everything huh? Even this Application to be Sarang's Girlfriend, which I thought was particularly funny at this time of night.

What was I talking about? Man I should just make my best friend the bottle of wine in the other room. Hmm. I'm done.
Que hora son mi corazon?

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