Mind Numbing Monday

Everyone hates Monday. Because we all have to go back to our slave jobs. It's nice though that the slave drivers give us a couple days off every now and then. But in contrast to the Happy Friday atmosphere, Monday is like a funeral. The funeral of our belated weekend.

It was a funny thing at work today. I had the odd notion that if I didn't show up at all, I might not have even been missed. Someone could have stated, "Where's Lori today?" And then they might surmise that I was extending my weekend and that would be that.

I didn't have a conversation at all today. It was one of those silent days I sometimes have where my face is all serious and people think I'm frowning and they avert their eyes as they walk by. Like I'm Frankenstein. Whatever, I didn't feel like being falsely chirpy trying to think of what you're supposed to say after someone asks you how you are. Oh yeah, "Fine." I forgot.

I like the silent days, but I also feel guilty. Perhaps if I talk tomorrow people will think this or that. I know no one probably even cares about me at all. What I mean is, I shouldn't care what anyone thinks of me, because they probably don't think anything of me. Do they even know my name? Who cares?

But I'm so self conscious. Overly. It pretty much interferes with everything I do in society. I have a guilty conscience as well. This we can all safely blame on my parents. Forexample, I don't know why but whenever I go into a store I feel like they're(not my parents them, in the store) watching me, if I bring something in with me they might think I'm stealing it. I don't have to buy something in every store I go to and I don't have to act like I'm shopping to buy either. Self conscious yet self centered. And who are "they"? "They" are always out to get me, make me feel bad, think ill of me, "They're all going to LAUGH at you!"

Paranoid.

See what happens when I have the whole day to do mindless work? My mind doesn't stick around. I'm thinking all day long about random things. I want something crazy to happen like a fire so I don't have to work any more. It's like crazy ideas I had in high school to escape classes except I don't have any friends...

Speaking of which, Tristan (my new best friend) has been mysteriously missing the past several days. I will have to call her to find out what's up with that.

old junk ...new junk