Who am I?

I am better now. I have multiple personalities. They are all a part of me, but when one is tired sometimes a deeper one emerges and I do no recognise myself. Like early in the morning, I have no idea who I am. Some kind of monster rudely awakened.

I've decided to discover my true self. This entails looking at who I am and assessing myself. So far I'm pretty power hungry and imaginative. I've created my own fantasy world in which I dwell. I want superhuman powers for personal aggrandizeement. Hehehe.

I've also discovered I am an agnostic verging on self discovery. I will find my own truth. I just can't believe in anything, any God. And I can't believe in any God having anything to do with me. I've always questioned why I should believe anything when it's all just hear-say. Nothing I've learned has ever been my own, it was someone else's. And before that, someone else's too. A whole big cycle of incestuous beliefs.

Here is my fine example of the shaping of my mind: When I was young I learned evolution. Big bang, dinosaurs, extinction, apes into cave men, now. Seemed to make sense. Obviously, there are the bones of dinosaurs in the museum. Then, a short time later I learned about God and creation. Adam, Eve, Eden, Apple, Evil, bible, Jesus, now, soon He will come again. Okay that made some sense. The evidense was in this Bible book. But I was confused. Where did Cro-magnon fit in? And the dinosaurs? There are bones afterall but no bones of Jesus. Hmm. So for a short time I fashioned in my mind the idea of adam and eve being the first apes of sorts. And they evolved into us. HAHAH. But that's the story of my rearing into belief. I stuck with it[Christianity] for a good long while doubting and confused the whole time, but playing the part of yon christian girl out to change the world. Why? Because it was fun and all my friends were doing it.

Then I went to college and realised there were actually people who have defferent beliefs and they're not all wrong like the church says. I did once think that everyone else was wrong and they were damned to go to hell. Oh My Gosh. Talk about brain washing my young mind. It's another case of hear-say. I'm probably still being brainwashed into thinking that I even have a choice and that I even exist on some level. But who's to say consciousness isn't just a by-product of our brains? Atoms form us all as well as inanimate things. The same building blocks, different outcomes? Like Taco Bell has basic ingredients yet a whole slew of things on the menu using those basic ingredients and occasionally they come out with "New!" menu items. Hoooray for the Tacitipo Grandissimo, now with extra cheese.

Who am I?
Where did I come from?
How am I me?

To ponder these questions as a youth gave me my individuality. But then I realised there isn't an answer. Not from this world anyway. I must find my own answer.

old junk ...new junk