fuck the weekend

ugh. i got in trouble today at work for taking too long of a lunch. it had to happen sooner or later. consequently i had to subtract half an hour from my time card. there are double standards at play. okay for some, not for others.

just a nasty ugly day. the sun was out and it was beautiful which mad me resent having to do stupid mindless work inside an ugly office. half-assed i work. not enough work for me, i should've faked being sick to go home early and do something more productive.

friday.

i have no plans. nothing fun to do. i can't even think of anything fun i'd want to do or who with. right now i'm angry, lonely and feeling sorry for myself. but mostly angry. i was trying to tell my parents about something i was angry at not having been able to get done this week and my stupid emotional tears took over and i couldn't even speak. so i left the room and shrugged it off like it was no big deal, even though it was, i just couldn't tell them why or anything for that matter.

i hate my tears. i wish i could never cry again. i wish i never had to feel the wallowing shudders and thickness in my throat again. nothing is worth crying over and i fucking cry so god damn easily. and not even when im sad. i can't be angry! i can't talk about personal issues with out choking up. who did this to me? fucking embarrassing.

fuck it all.

fuck this weekend.

old junk ...new junk